From skwigg's journal:
There are ways to speed up the peaceful indifference in any scenario. If a thought hurts, it's important to question it. This goes for work, relationships, Fitbits, anything at all. Learning this method from Byron Katie has saved me from so much turmoil. If something or someone is really pushing your buttons, write it down. She calls this "judging your neighbor."
"She's so annoying. She shouldn't trigger me by announcing Fitbit steps!"
"He is an insensitive clod for for telling me about his new diet! He should shut up!"
Then you ask the four questions and do the turnarounds.
1) Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move onto 3)
2) Can I absolutely know that it's true? (Yes or no)
3) How do I feel/react when I believe that thought?
4) Who would I be without that thought?
Turnaround: Could the opposite also be true?
Ok, so if I'm experiencing heightened emotions because my brother won't shut up about Crossfit and Paleo, it might go something like:
"He's so annoying. He shouldn't trigger me by going on about his diet and workouts. I've told him to stop but he doesn't listen to me. He's very insensitive."
Is that true? - Yes, dammit!
Can I absolutely know that it's true? - Yes. It feels true.
How do I feel when I believe that thought? - Angry, anxious, annoyed, triggered. I feel like I should be dieting and training too, or that there's something wrong with me if I don't participate. Everyone around me is obsessed and insensitive. They're oblivious to how uncomfortable it makes me.
Who would I be without that thought? - Relaxed, carefree, indifferent.
Then you look at all of the possible turnarounds for:
"He's so annoying. He shouldn't trigger me by going on about his diet and workouts. I've told him to stop but he doesn't listen to me. He's very insensitive."
Could the opposite also be true? He's not annoying. I'm annoying. He should trigger me by going on about diet and workouts. I shouldn't trigger me by going on about diets and workouts. He does listen to me. I've told me to stop but I don't listen to me. He is very sensitive. I'm very insensitive.
What? What?! OMG, so many juicy possibilities. More thoughts to question. Are those true?
The purpose of the turnarounds is not to blame yourself, just to open up new possibilities and points of view for a closed and painfully looping brain. Maybe it's not your fault. Maybe they are trying (or happy, or clueless) and you could cut them some slack. Maybe you could cut yourself some slack. Maybe seeing the situation differently would change everything and set you free. Maybe suffering is voluntary. This is empowering news!
I hope that helps a little. Of course, it's much more effective using your own, thoughts, questions, and turn-arounds, but you get the idea. I know I've posted about this method before, but it really saved me from myself. Now, if something hurts, I don't have to wait for other people to change for me to be ok. I can change my thoughts about the situation and have a completely different experience right away.