From skwigg's journal:
I noticed as I was getting dressed for work today that my clothes actually fit me. For many years when I was yo-yo dieting (funny how I never called it that), I wore loose, oversized clothes. I wanted the legs loose. I wanted the butt covered. I definitely didn’t want to reveal the state of my arm definition. If my weight was up, I didn’t want people at work to see, and if it was down, I REALLY didn’t want them to see. I knew when the transformation contest or x-week diet ended, I would snap photos, take measurements, and regain quickly. I didn’t want everyone complimenting me and asking questions on the way down only to go silent or talk behind my back when I gained 10-15 pounds basically overnight, as I did every flipping time I lost weight through cutting out food groups, tracking in software, or following some other impractical scheme. It seems miraculous that I’ve been the same size for years now, and I buy and wear that size. It took a whole lot of mindset work to get out of both the extreme behaviors and the stories about what people might think. It’s interesting that it was very much a mind problem I was trying to solve with a food answer. “If I could just eat _____, I’ll look _____, and people will think _____.” Ha! No! I couldn’t untangle myself from the diet extremes and weight drama until I could question the thoughts driving it. Is it true? None of my stories held up to honest questioning.
I really hope I end up doing the same as you, Skwigg. I don’t think I’ve ever been the same size for more than a year or two since I was like 15 (which I guess means ever, given that I was also growing up until that point!), with the constant binge/restrict cycles. At this point, I care less what size I am so much as I just stop being constantly dissatisfied and going through huge changes, intentionally anyway.