I've been a member for a while and thought it was about time to introduce myself and start posting a bit. This seems to be a friendly, accepting place and already I've found people's posts to be really helpful.
I'm from Australia, and have a long boring history of disordered eating. As a child I was naturally slim until about 10 years old, when I gained weight due to comfort eating and ended up a chubby kid. I tried to lose weight in high school, and went on my first diet after seeing a dietician. This led to some weight loss but I got sick of the restriction and went off the diet.
At 19, I'd finally had enough, and decided I wanted to get thin. It started out innocently enough - following an Oprah book I read at the time, I started running, cutting out fat (this was the 90s) and eating less. I lost a lot of weight, thrived on all the attention and positive feedback, and felt more confident than I ever had. Unfortunately, you can tell where this is headed. I cut out more foods, had even smaller servings, drank litres of water and exercised excessively everyday - rain, hail, shine. I feared food, feared gaining weight, and ended up anorexic and exercise bulimic.
After some comments from a trainer who I trusted at my local gym; a few binging episodes; and starting to notice how truly sick I was looking, I realised things had to change. My trainer helped by changing up my exercise program and put me on a plan which added more food and fats back into my diet. I saw a counsellor, read a lot of Geneen Roth and started trying Intuitive Eating. While the Geneen Roth books gave me some comfort in knowing I wasn't so alone with my food craziness, they did more harm than good. I ended up developing BED, and truly believed there was something deeply wrong with me. I stopped exercising and gained a fair amount of weight.
Eventually my binging levelled out. I ate more normally and gave up most of the restrictions, however I still grazed a lot and ate emotionally. A chronic illness led me to work with a naturopath and along came a whole new set of food rules.
A few years ago, my mind was blown after reading 'Brain Over Binge', and 'How to have your Cake and Skinny Jeans too', and although they helped at the time, I found myself getting sucked back into the current clean/healthy eating 'lifestyle', due to trying to fix some health issues.
I'm tired of over thinking food and have decided to make becoming a normal eater my priority. I'm giving myself this time to heal my brain wiring, and get in touch with my own internal wisdom.
I'm currently re-reading BOB, Skinny Jeans and Allen Carr's books which have helped me the most in changing my attitude to urges, non hungry eating, and all the other food chatter and rules which still take up space in my head.
Thanks so much for reading this. I'm really happy to be here